City so nice, they named it twice

I have been postponing this blog post since I returned from New York City. This is due to the fact that I am STILL struggling to gather enough words to accurately express my feelings concerning those 302 square miles of perfection.

New York City is a place for people. Quite a generalization, right? But you see, it's just that simple. I could not count on my hands and feet the different walks of life I saw, if I tried. It is a place where there is little time to stop walking and study the wardrobe choices or the cosmetic appearance of the passerby. And because of this, there is little time to judge.

 Among all the cliche things that we did while in the city, one of my favorite pastimes was to lounge in Central Park and absorb the chaos. And if you're lucky, you'll find a spot atop a boulder that allows you to overlook the park AND the skyline. I could have spent an entire day there and would have never noticed nor cared that time was passing slowly.

I found myself being swallowed by a city and its 8 million residents. Oddly enough, I did not mind. The anonymity of the bustling streets was liberating considering that at home, I am unable to spend 15 minutes in my favorite coffee shop without being approached. I realize that that is a little harsh. However,  there are days when I would love nothing more than to slip into an oversized sweatshirt and fall into the flow of things without being noticed. New York City is the place to do that.

Tears started strolling the minute I buckled the seatbelt in the taxi that was designated to take us to the airport, and again when our plane took off. One would think that I was leaving a love behind. I was. A love for a city and the millions of beautiful reminders that it too, could be my home. 

My feet were sore and blistered from walking the streets of that sleepless city. But there was/is an ever present sense of awe instilled in me. Yes, I was raised in a small seaside town on the opposing side of the country. But my home is wherever I am. And I promise you, I will be back there some day. 

Q&A about the summer romance that gave me whiplash

As a young adult, (and I'm sure the majority of my friends could attest to this), I am constantly asked the question, "how's your love life?" My response usually being, "what love life?" Not only is this one of my least favorite questions, but I feel as though the person asking the question is rarely prepared for the answer I would love to give them. Which is why I often resort to offering my "love life" or the lack lackthereof as a sense of comic relief. Self-deprivation probably is not the healthiest, but in instances such as this one, it seems to be the easiest way to exit the conversation.

This is my answer, as of this moment in time…

How is my love life? It is as good as the romantic aspect of an 18-year old's life could be. A really good friend of mine (not saying any names, Sydney Boggs) brought to my attention that at such a young age, one is only capable of loving as much as they know how. Sure, you may think it is love. But there is a love that fulfills a capacity much larger than I could ever fathom. She is pretty wise, if ya ask me. Boy, am I thankful that I have a friend like her who speaks clarity and reality into my life.

And then came summer.

If only for a short amount of time, I was given a small glimpse of what it is like to be in love. I got lost counting stars and dancing in parking lots. I found myself checking my phone every three minutes hoping for a response to a text message. And I often found myself awkwardly smiling in response to those messages in the most public places. I fell hard and fast. It was far more enjoyable than the picture I had painted in my head, and something that I struggled to describe in words. It was a feeling that stirred inside of me and produced an ever-present smile. I could claim that it has been a long time since that feeling made it's way through my veins. But quite honestly, I cannot remember a time when I have been happier.

Insert the cliche statement of "all good things must come to an end." Which I strongly disagree with. But somewhere in the freedom and spontaneity of summer, (and much to my dismay), I wandered. Wandered away from a feeling that I had hoped was there to stay. For all I know, this fondness could be buried underneath the anxious feeling of a fresh and quickly approaching chapter in my life. Time will tell.

Yes, I am confused. Confused about how I feel and what I want most. But confusion often leads to growth. And from growth comes strength. So I am okay with being confused, for now.

P.S. You'll want to dance in the parking lot to this song too.