Where I stood

For those of you who know me, you know that I am fantastic with numbers. I have had an 'A' in every math class I have ever taken no matter how bad the teacher was. And I promise I am not trying to toot my own horn. I remember every phone number of every "best friend" I have ever had. I memorize every birthday of every family member, friend, or crush. Any date that is significant in my life is permanently imprinted in my brain. You are probably getting the point by now. It has never really made sense to me why numbers always seem to sink into my brain as if it were a sponge. If you asked me to explain the Kinetic Molecular Theory or to list Woodrow Wilson's 14 points (I even hesitated writing that because I wasn't sure he was the right dude) you would think I was suffering from a severe seizure. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that this is one of those epiphanies I mentioned would be written about in my first post. 

Numbers are often associated with memories. Good and bad. They represent the day something began, or the day something ended. We are reminded sometimes of things we wish we couldn't remember. Numbers aid in putting memorable events in our life in a chronological order. After digits and happenings are sorted in a correct fashion, deja vu takes a seat and makes itself at home. We, as humans (or at least I know I do), replay certain events over and over in our heads to provide the feeling we felt when that certain event occurred. I plead guilty to doing that ALL THE TIME. In class, in a grocery store, in church. You name a place and I have probably daydreamed there. The only problem I seem to find with that, is that it is a rude awakening that circumstances are not what they used to be. No, I am not talking about the fact that my hair was not black then and my nose was not pierced. I'm talking about the fact that people change. I change. You change. We all change. This causes the comparison of then and now to be somewhat disappointing at times. But rest assure that these things are not always sour. They can be very good as well. A handful of my favorite conversations, hugs, and just down right awesome memories are replayed on a daily basis. And if need be, they do an exceptional job of putting a smile on my face even if it is just for a moment. 

Back to my epiphany. I believe, and stop me if you disagree, that the method behind my obsession with numbers is that when numbers are placed parallel with an event in my life, it seems as if i remember them...more? A question mark because it doesn't really make any sense. But it's as much sense I can make out of this strange addiction. Without a date, my memories might as well be a word or drawing in the sand that disappears once the tide creeps it's way past what used to be someone's masterpiece. They do not exist without an address for me to revisit them by. It's weird, I am aware. But that is just the way the wheels in my complicated brain turn. 

So if I were to rewind my life a year from today exactly, I can honestly say that my life now and my life then would seem as if I had somehow switched lives with one much more complex than mine. The later being the more complex of the two, obviously. Where I stood 365 days ago feels like a far away land that I haven't traveled to in quite a while. My hair was more of an auburn color. My nose did not host a small hole and a tiny diamond that glistened when the light hit it the right way. Everly was here, but not quite tangible. The people I stood next to were different from the people that I stand next to nowadays.

There were four feet in my favorite picture as opposed to two. Unfortunately, that is something that doesn't sit well with me. But let me introduce you to epiphany #2 for this shindig. There isn't a darn thing I can do about my past. Except to learn from it. It is funny to me that I say that because I often find myself making exceptions for mistakes I have made in the past just to be happy. Hopefully, I will grow out of that. Soon. 

I am sure that you are asking yourself if this will ever get to a climax. Or maybe if I will reveal what today marks. But sorry to disappoint you, I am going to have to let you continue to fill in the blanks on your own for that one. I promised myself I would never tell you too much. If I told you everything that was on my mind, each entry would be equivalent to a decent novel. 

Until next time, I will most likely replay my favorite memories a total of 15 more times before I clock out for the night. And I can't help but imagine what another 365 days of this crazy life will hold for me. That's 730 days from the original April 30th of my life. Just in case you couldn't do that quick math like me. Because I love numbers.